Men are From Mars Women are From Venus

Men are From Mars Women are From Venus
By []Vishwalok Nath

Relationship  Enrichment  Seminar

Dr. John  Gray  author  of  the  best  seller “Men  are  from Mars,  women  are  from Venus”
Dr. Gray  mentioned  as  a  preamble  to  his  talk  that  when  his  book  ‘Men  are   from  Mars,  Women  from  Venus’  had  come  out he  was  questioned  whether  one  can  make  generalizations  in terms  of  the  behaviour  of men  and  women. The  only  response  he  gave was  whether  they  resonated  with what  was  written  in the  book and  100%  of  the  time they  replied  ‘Yes’. 

1.  The  differences  between  Men  and  Women  are  universal.  Women  all  over the  world  complain  that  “He  doesn’t  understand”.  “He  doesn’t  listen”. “Only  time  he  touches  me  is  when  he  wants  sex”.  And  men  all  over  the  world  complain  that  “She  doesn’t want to  have enough  of sex.”  (Unless  the  woman  is  around  37  years.  At  this  magical  age  women  want  more  of  sex  than  ever  before.)

2.  Women  like  affection  from  men  much  more  than  sex. They  want  to  be  hugged.  John  learnt  to  hug  his  wife.

3.  Men  like  to be  logical.  Women  like  to share and  talk  even  if  there is  no  point  in  their sharing and  talking.  Men  need  to  have  an  objective. They  need  to see  the  point  in  doing something.  They  can’t  share  for the  sake  of  sharing.

4.  Men  tend  to  do  one  thing  at  a  time. Women  do  many  things at a  time. Men  have  a  tunnel  vision.  95%  of  their  attention  is  focused  on  just  one  thing and  5%  on  checking  of the  environment.  Women  are  just  the  opposite. They  are  continuously  taking  in  everything  that  there  is in the  environment  whether  it  is  useful  or  not.

5.  John  narrated  the  incident  of  his  wife  asking  him to  get  some  milk  while coming  home  from work. He  forgets. She considerately  puts  it down  to his  thinking  of  work. She  asks him  again. Again he  forgets. She  takes  it  personally. It’s  not  that  the  milk  was  forgotten  but  that  she  was  forgotten. Women  behave  in  this  manner.

6.  Men  have  their  own  caves  on  which  the  sign  states “Please  do  not   disturb.” Men like  to  retreat  into their  own  world  where  they  feel  they  are in  control.  Women  also  have  caves but  the  sign  on  their  caves  is  “I  need  to  talk”. When  a  man  asks  a  woman  what’s  wrong  and  she  says  “Nothing” it  really  means  “Nothing, unless  you  care  to listen and  give  me an opportunity  to talk.”

7.  90%  of  women  go  into  therapy  because  they  want  to  be  listened  to. They  want  to  be  asked  questions.  They  want  to feel  special. Men  hate  to  be  questioned. If  men  want  to talk they’ll  talk. If  they  don’t  want  to talk  they  won’t.  When  a  man  is locked  in  his cave,  the  woman thinks  that  something  is  wrong  with him and  goes  in  and  asks  questions.  This  is a  wrong  move  for the  woman  to  make. Men  hate  to be  interrogated.

8.  When  a  woman  touches  a  man  she  may want  to be  cuddled. But  for  a  man  anywhere  he  is  touched  leads  to  Rome  and  he thinks  therefore  that  it  has  to  lead  to  sex. 

9.  Men  want  to forget  the  problems  of the  day. Women  want  to remember. A  man  will say  “Forget  it, it’s  no big deal.”  For  a  woman  she  will not  rest  till  the  problem is  talked  about. Her  response  to  the  man, who wants  to  just  forget  about  it  and  not  make  a  big  deal  out  of  it,  will  be  “How  can  you  be  so insensitive.”

10.  Men  should  never  tell a  woman  how  she  should  feel. In  fact  if  she  is unhappy, the man  needs  to  be  unhappy  with  her  for a while  instead  of  offering  advice.

11.  If  the  man  is  at  a  loss  for  saying  anything  when  the  woman is  feeling  bad  then  instead  of offering  advice  he  could  build  her  up a  bit  by  saying  “I  know  how  much  you  work  during  the  day  to make  the  kids  and  myself  feel  happy. It must  be  very  exhausting.”  Her  unconscious  response  would  be  “He  understands.” The  woman  craves for  understanding.

12.  Women  make  noises  to  get  attention. Men  make  noises  to signal  “Please  leave  me alone.”

13.  To  cope  with  stress,  sometimes,  women  while  speaking  tend  to speak  in long  sentences  and  then  pause.  Men  think that the  pause  is  a  signal for  saying  something. Wrong.  For  the  woman the pause  is just  a  semi-colon.  Men  need  to  restrain themselves in giving  advice.

14.  When  a  woman  is  upset  and  a  man  tries  to give a  solution  99% of the  time  her  response  will  be  “Yes….but”.  When  she  is  relaxed  then  give  the  solution.  After  she  has  been  given  the opportunity to  talk  about  it.

15.  If  a  man tries  to  walk  in  a  woman’s  shoes, she  will be  more  willing  to  understand  his  point of  view. Men  tend  to  expect women  to agree  with  their  point  of  view because  they  feel  it  is  obviously  the  best  point  of  view.

16.  Men  are  efficiency  oriented.  Must  do it  the  easiest  and  fastest way. Women  on  the  other  hand  feel that taking the  shortest  path  between  2 points  is  boring. Women  like  variation. This  is  especially  true  in  the  bedroom. Men  go  by  the  same  formula  every  time  while  women  want  variation.  Men  like  uniforms and  the  same uniform.  Men  look  good  in a  tuxedo  or  a  suit  and  that’s  it. Every time  the  same  tuxedo  or suit.  Women  like  to  change  their  dress;  sometimes  thrice or  even  more  times  in  a  day.

17.  When  John’s  book  ‘Men  are from  Mars, Women  from  Venus’ was  on the  bestseller  list  for  6  years  in  a  row,  John  realized  how  narrowly focused  in  life  he  had  become.  He only  gloated  about  his book being  no. 1  on  the  bestseller  list. John  was  missing  the little  things  of life  where  his  wife  and  children were  concerned.  Women  are  able  to  see  the  little  things in life  and  be  happy. 

18.  The  more  narrow  the  focus  of  a man  the  more  stressed  he  is  bound  to get. He can’t  notice  anything  else  other than  what  he  is  focusing  on  at  that  moment. Women  deal  with  lots  of  problems  at  the  same  time  and  the  way they  cope  is  to  talk  about  them.

19.  Men  use their  brain  sequentially  viz. one  part  at  a  time. Where  women  are  concerned  it  is  usually  the  whole brain at  once.

20.  Women  lower  stress   through  talking  and  sharing. The  collectiveness  and togetherness  which  they  share  is  part  of  their  feminity.  Men  lower  their  stress  by  being  alone.  Women’s  attitude  is  that  if  we  can’t  do  anything  about  it  then  let’s  talk about  it  and  suffer  together.  Men’s  focus  is  on  solving  the problem. And  if  they  can’t  solve  the  problem then  they  make  the  problem  disappear  by  forgetting  about  it.

21.  Men  always  want  to  be  right. 

22.  Women,  unknowingly  sabotage  their  success. They  put  themselves  down  because  they  want  support.  Women  bond  by  putting  themselves  down. For  example  if  one  is  late for  a  particular  function in  the  office,  the  woman  will  say  what  an  imbecile  she  is  by  not  catching  the  right  train  or  missing  the  connection  because  of  some  stupid  mistake  she  made  and  so on. And  other  women  who  are  also  late  will  do the  same. 

23.  Or  if  a  woman  is  having  a problem  with  the computer, she  will call  the  so called  expert  from  the  computer  department  and  tell him  that  she  doesn’t  know  anything  about  computers  and that she  is  very  happy  that  he  has  come  to  her  rescue  and  thereby push  the  guy  way  up there. But  when  he  suggests  a  solution  which  she  tends  to disagree  with,  she  doesn’t  know  how  to tell  him  because  if  she  does  it, it  makes  him  come  crashing  down  and  he  reacts  by  saying  that  she  has  wasted  his  time. In  this case  one  needs  to  resort  to  face  saving  devices  like  ‘whatever  you  have  suggested  will  I  am  sure  help me  to figure  it  out (even  if  you  see  no utility  in  the  suggestion).

24.  As  women  more  and  more  enter  into the  workplace  their  need  to  being  listened  to and  understood  is  not  being  met. The  workplace  is  efficiency  oriented. They  are  becoming  more  and  more  isolated. They  have  to  raise  their  children  alone.  Unseen  and  unheard.  And  this  is  causing  them  to  go  more  and  more  into  depression.  The  man  focusses  on  work  no  matter what  the  problems  are  that  are being experienced  at  home.

25.  Man  is  efficiency  oriented.  He  needs  to  feel needed.  He  needs  problems  to be solved. If  there  are  no  job  opportunities  or there  is  no  effort  called  for  to do  something  then  the  man  feels  depressed.

26.  When  women  feel  nurtured  they  feel  happy.  They  are  happy  with  the  small  things  of  life. Man  likes  to  measure  himself  against  the  goal he  has  set  for  himself. Men  behave  like  squirrels. They  focus  on  one thing,  dash  towards  it  and  once  they reach  there  then  they  turn their  focus  on  another  thing  and  make  a  dash  there  and  so  on and  so  forth. 

27.  Men see  the  news  on  TV especially  after  coming home, because  the  problems  they  hear  about  and  see  make  their  problems seem that  much  smaller. 

28.  John’s soul  sings  when  he  teaches. Need  to find  one’s  path  and  go along  it.  The  fact  that  one  feels  fear  is  because  it  is  one’s  path. If  it  was  not  one’s  path  then  one  would  not  be  so  worried  about  whether  one  made  an impact  or  not.

29.  The  truth is  I  deserve  to  be  the  way  I  am. I  need  not  be  bothered  to  be  perfect  in  order  to be  loved. Once  one  lives  in  an  atmosphere  of  perfect  trust  the  more  authentic  one  becomes,  and  the  more authentic  one becomes the  more  irresistible  one  becomes. The  closer  we  are  to  who we  truly  are  the  more  people will  love  us. There  will always  be  people  who  do  not  love  us.

30.  Forgiveness  is  the  key. If  someone  hurts  then one  needn’t  hurt  back. As  Gandhi  said,  An  eye  for  an  eye  will make  the  whole  world  blind.

31.  Women  give  more.  Men  want to  get  more.

32.  Women  want  flowers  to be  purchased  by men.  And they  should  be cut- flowers.  So  that  the  flowers  die  and  therefore  the  men  have  to go  out  and  purchase  them again  and  again.  They  do  not  want  the  romance  to  go  out  of  the  relationship. Men  on  the other  hand  feel  that  if  they  have  done  it  once  there is  no  necessity  to  do it  again  and  again. But  women  want  things  and  messages  to be  repeated  again  and  again.

33.  Women  sometimes  give  hints  viz. On  Sunday  they  will  mention  that  they  are  getting  their  hair  cut  on Thursday. This is  to be  taken  as  a  warning signal. The  hair  cut  must  be  noticed. If  a  woman  has  to ask  how  she  looks  after she  has  had  a  hair  cut  then  there  is  no  value  placed  on  the man’s  comment.  It  has  to be  noticed  without  being  asked. Women put  in  much  more  effort  in  looking  good.  Men  put  in  more  effort  in  their  work.

34.  Man  wants  to  be  appreciated. Woman  wants  to  be  listened  to  and  noticed. Men  stress more  on  what  they  do  while  women stress more on their  being.

35.  Men  think  that  by  being  flexible  they  are  Mr. Agreeable  and  that  is  appreciated  by  women.  Really  speaking  women want  men  to  take  charge  and  suggest  something  which they  agree  on.  Mr.  Agreeable  is  boring.  The  ideal  metaphor  is to  have  a  man  with  a  plan  and  a  woman  with  a  smile.

36.  Sometimes  the  woman  feels  that  she  does  everything  according to what  the  man  wants.  At  this point  it  is  necessary  for the woman  to  say “I’ll  do it  this time  your  way  but  next  time  we’ll  do what  I want.”

37.  Women  are  always  keeping  score  in  a  relationship  viz. When  a  woman  does  anything  for  a  man  she  always  gives  herself  a  point.  Men  keep  score  in  business.  Men  need  to keep score  in  a  relationship too.  They  need to  do  something  for the  woman  so  that  they  too  score  points  from  the  woman’s  point  of  view.

38.  At  work  the  man’s  perspective  is  not  to  unnecessarily  interfere. A  man  feels  that  if  he  doesn’t  ask  then  he  is giving  total  freedom to the  woman.   But  a  woman  who is a  subordinate  wants  to  be  asked  about  her  work  because  silence  is  taken  to mean  ‘non-involvement’.

39.  Women  like  the  small stuff.  Chit-Chat. Occasionally  ask  some  personal  questions.  The  magic  words  are  ‘What  else?’

40.  To free  a  man  a  woman  needs  to  say ‘You  don’t  need  to  say  or  do  anything  and  you  don’t  need  to feel  bad.’

41.  Listening  creates  healing.

42.  Women  by  nature  give.  But  when  they  find  that  they  are  not  getting  anything  in  return  they  need  to  give  to  themselves.  Men  have  no  problem  in  giving  to  themselves.  Men  don’t  give  enough  to others.

43.  Men  prefer  women  managers  while  they  learn  the  job.  After  learning  the  job  they  prefer  a  male  manager.

44.  Men  sprint  faster. Women  win the long  distance. 

45.  In  men  testosterone  lowers  stress.  In  women  oxytocin  lowers  stress.  Affection, considerateness,  being  noticed  is  what  produces  the  oxytocin in women. Therefore  men  need  to learn  new  skills  to produce  oxytocin  in  women. Foreplay  is  more  important  for  a  woman  than  a  man. A  woman  needs  20-30  minutes  of  stimulation. A  man  needs  just  2-3  minutes.

46.  Women  want  sensitive  men  but  the  danger  is  that  if  men  become  too  sensitive  then  women  don’t  like  it.  They  want  men  to be  considerate  but  not  to be  too  sensitive just  like  them.

47.  Don’t  try  to fix  or  change  your  partner.

48.  When  husband  and  wife  are  business  partners  then  there  needs  to  be  clear  rules. There  needs  to be  a  clear  demarcated  time  when  no  business  is  talked  about. 

49.  Duty  is  important  but  being  authentic  is  more  important.

50.  Women  can  be  compared metaphorically to  the  moon. When  the moon  is  full,  women  crave  for  sex. When  it  is  half-full,  a  woman  can  have  it  not  have  it, it   does  not  matter, and  when  it  is  a  new  moon  she  couldn’t  care  less.

51.  There  are  different  types  of  sex  viz. Healthy, home  cooked  sex,  Ferrari,  junk  food  sex,  and  Gourmet  sex.  Once  a  month  one  could  have  Gourmet  sex  which  means  bringing  in  the romance  by  going  out  for  a  dinner  and  coming  home  to  an  atmosphere  which  slowly  climaxes.  Whenever  he  wants  sex,  and  it  is  a quickie  then  give  it  to  him.  Provided  on  other  occasions  there  is  good, regular  homemade  sex.  In  order  to arrive  at  a  meaningful  understanding  one  could  have  3  candles  signifying  the  3  types  of  sex.  Either  partner  finds  it  very  difficult  to  know  the  real mood  of  the  other.  Depending  on  which  candle  is  lit and by  whom  one  can  behave  accordingly. The  candle  becomes  the sign  of the mood.

Source :
Author : Vishwalok Nath

Article Source: [] Men are From Mars Women are From Venus

The Rules

Whether you are a single woman looking for your Mr. Right, a woman who is dating a man but isn’t in a committed relationship yet, or a woman who is presently in a relationship with a man and wants to make sure she can keep him forever, The Rules book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider may have captured your attention.

The name of the book is The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right.

And you probably want to know whether these Rules still work for dating today.

This article will help you decide if the Rules Book is the right source for your needs!


The Strategies Of The Rules

The authors of the book openly admit on the first pages of the book, that the techniques suggested in the book are ones our grandmas used. It worked for them, so why wouldn’t it work for you?

Here is the caveat; the strategies our grandmas used were good a hundred years ago. That was when women stayed at home and when men worked and provided for the wife and the kids. Back then no woman would ever think she could sleep with a man before marriage, and that surely worked! Men had to marry women to have a partner, to have intimacy, and to have kids. Men were the providers, and women were the house wives.

Today, women no longer stay at home. Women are no longer barefoot and pregnant. We work, we make our own money, and our salaries sometimes are higher than of our men.

Remember, that in the old world, women were treated as second class citizens. It was not common for a woman to work at all, and thus in order to survive, a woman had to stay at home patiently waiting for her parents to do all the set up work for the marriage.

It was not acceptable for a woman to have a date with a man and to decide whom to choose to marry. The man would ask her father for her hand!

Of course, in order to get a man to marry, the woman had to do one thing – which was to passively wait for a man to ask for her hand in marriage, and for her father to make a decision.

The woman could not call a man, ask a man out, or even express her interest in a particular man. And frankly, those days women settled down with whomever their fathers choose for them.

Often, it was not ok to kiss a man, let alone sleep with a man before marriage. And most importantly, you must remember that when a man acquired a wife, it was like acquiring an asset, a servant, in other words free labor to care for the man, cook for him, clean his house, and raise his kids.

There are still places in the world that live by the same standards. In those places a woman doesn’t get to choose whom she marries, and the groom will sometimes have to give her father money and goods in order to acquire a wife and a mother for his future children.

But in the most of the civilized world, we now work, earn our living, and get to choose whom we want to be with and whom we want to marry. We no longer need a man to survive, and we are no longer treated as second class citizens.

We vote, we get promoted on the job, and we have the same rights as men do in all aspects of life.

It has become your job to say YES when a man asks you out. It is now your job to answer the phone when he calls. It is now your job to choose the man to marry.

No one else will do it for you!

So, the rules which worked for our grandmas, should we say obsolete?